Once I smoke I can’t answer text messages anymore or nothing it’s me time.

This album is just a really beautiful example of the kind of productive and creative you can be when in love properly.

foggydisposition:

I can’t fuck with him anymore.

I gave him an ultimatum, be my boyfriend or leave me the fuck alone by midnight. He pretended I never even said it.

I’m not usually this way, I don’t give a fuck about a boyfriend but I just couldn’t be casual with him, I wanted all of him.

So I blocked his number. He proceeded to tweet me and I ignored that too.

He unfollowed me on everything yesterday.

I liked him so much, I was stupid as fuck for him.

I wanted nothing but to be in his presence. I was just a really nice accessory for him. It took me fucking someone else while he was neglecting me for months to finally see some emotion. Yeah he liked me, but he didn’t respect me, he didn’t care about me.

I’m done pretending that’s going to change. I’m done indulging in the worst parts of me, he brought out the worst in me.

I got most excited with him, most horny, most batshit crazy. I also hurt the most with him, and I think I’ve cried enough. Bruised and beat the shit out of my pride enough.

I can’t keep going back to him, I can’t keep self-destructing, I was doing so well until I dipped into him.  I’m coming back.

LMAO

IM LITERALLY STILL DEALING WITH THIS EXCEPT TIMES 100

SAME GUY

IM STILL THE SAME DUMB BITCH 

I know I say this a lot.

But I really

Don’t remember the last time

I was this fucking sad

I want to know what it’s like not being abandoned by someone you love then insulted.

I just want to know what it’s like to feel happy and stable and secure.

I feel like I haven’t known peace for two years.

But it’s really been longer then that. I don’t think I’ve ever really known it. There was a time where I was super depressed but I saw a light at the end of the tunnel sort of. I had really good times in search of it. Now I just feel stuck at the bottom. Sinking deeper, slowly. Alone. Stacking up trauma and reasons to keep to myself. Partially to avoid more damage and partially to avoid doing it to someone else because if theres at least one thing I’ve stuck to is I don’t want anyone else to feel like this, especially not because of me.

Do you ever think about how you’re not actually over a single bad thing that’s happened to you and how that’s all reason enough to want to end it all in the hopes of some cosmic do over?

foggydisposition:

Not the same fights and habits.

Not just drinks and friends.

I want some funk music playing and that look you share with a stranger where you have immediate chemistry and you don’t know why.

That first conversation that goes so well you can’t help but laugh, surprised at how much you can get along with a person.

I just want something spontaneous and easy and fun.

I feel old and not in the way you thought old would feel when you were little. 

I just want a little wild romance.

wow i am still chasing this feeling 6 years later.

foggydisposition:

my life took some wild turns…

it got so….so much worse from here.

its ok now though.

im finally starting to realize that i dont HAVE to suffer through things. 

i dont have to sit through bad relationships or bad movies or bad parties to prove that i can or to prove anything.

i dont have to suffer.

Sometimes I don’t really feel close to anyone.

I don’t think I’d be a good mom.

I care about people, but I like my distance too much.

I provide people with all the tools they need to do well without me, and I feel like that’s the best I can give. Because I’m not always there, mentally, physically, I’m just not.

Sometimes feeling alone isn’t a bad thing, it’s what built me. I wonder though, how much it broke me.